Thursday, May 31, 2012

Airport security breach thwarted by...counting

Apparently the security is so lax at San Diego International Airport, that a man bypasses TSA screening and boards plane with no ticket.

Wait, what? Yep, you read that right.

Hours after being released from jail, a man walked through an emergency door at San Diego International Airport, onto the tarmac and sat down on a United Express plane Tuesday, according to San Diego authorities.

But, there's more

After it was opened, the emergency door alarm sounded, and Bolduc said police were on site in four minutes, but by then Duncan had blended in with other passengers.

Yes, he was able to board a plane and take a seat. But wait, this is where it get's interesting. Our Heroine, an unnamed flight attendant, jumps into action. At first, the breach was unbeknownst to her. We don't know much about this superhero flight attendant, but we can assume that she was educated young, probably by Count Von Count, who educated many a child with his unnatural ability to count things. She must also be a student of Sherlock Holmes, with her ability to spy the smallest of details, she deduced that there was one to many passengers. (before you pass judgement, I'm not poking fun at her)

Said passenger Nicholas Blasgen:

"I still can't, in the world, understand how this happened, it sounds like they just have lax security or not enough management. Something was going wrong."

The response:

"The guy did breach security, but he was caught," [Harbor Police chief] Bolduc said. "We have multiple layers of security built into our airports, as you know, and the backup systems were able to catch this guy."

Backup system? It was a pencil and the education supplied by Sesame Street. The same thing that flight attendants have been doing for decades before the TSA Rat Bastard Dumbasses started violating the rights of the flying public.

TSA spokeswoman Sterling Payne said in a statement.

"Security of airports is a shared responsibility, and airports and airlines are required to adhere to TSA-approved security standards. TSA has initiated an investigation and if necessary, will take appropriate action." Payne added "I know, we're just a bunch of Rat Bastard Dumbasses, but we need a job, too" [actually, I added the last part]

Whew! I feel better now, Dumbasses. It's good to know that a pencil and paper are part of the 8 Billion Dollar security theater and part of the approved security standards. Dumbasses.

How about this for an appropriate action. GET RID OF THE TSA Rat Bastards and turn security back over to private security (and flight attendants that can count)

Really, I wasn't picking on the flight attendant.

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