Saturday, June 15, 2013

June mid-month report, DGUs outside of the home

June 11, 2013: Hey Jack, Don't mess with old people.
Jan and Bob Cooper were just chillin' in their Anaheim California home on Sunday when their Rottweiler alerted them to a prowler outside of their home. Jan Cooper, 72, grabbed her .357 magnum revolver and her phone. She called the po po and begged the 911 operator to send deputies, presumably to save the prowler. 31-year-old Brandon Alexander Perez, the would-be home invader, was not deterred by the growling of the man eater, or the barking of the dog, as he slid open the glass door. Not wanting to clean up a bloody mess inside her home, groovy grandma took aim at his head then let fly a burst of fury that would make the average man cry, then she fired one shot, narrowly missing the perps face. She then let loose another burst of verbal assault words. Perez apologized to Cooper and then began to flee. Deputies arrived just in time to catch him in the yard. Perez was on parole and living at a halfway house at the time of his latest transgression. Cooper is a Christian who doesn't normally use foul language.

June 4, 2013: Hey Jack, Don't mess with young people.
Two upstanding citizens in Brooklyn, that's New York, dressed up like FedEx delivery men to attempt to get free stuff. The plan, knock on a door, when the homeowner opens the door, collect free stuff. Their plan failed to come to full fruition when the one dummy pulled a gun on the home owner and she slammed the door on his arm, causing him to drop his gun. Her ten-year-old son picked the gun up and took a shot at the thug. The accomplice, also armed with a handgun though he'd make matters better by firing a single shot at the kids. No one was injured, you know, except for the two goons' pride. It's unknown if the boy will be charged for handling a firearm without a licence.

May 31, 2013:
A Bakersfield, CA, man left for work when he realized he forgot his laptop charger. He "flipped a u-turn" and made it back home to find 35-year-old Jesse Perez, 35-year-old Edward Anaya and 35-year-old Miguel Reyes relieving him of his property. If no one's home it must be free stuff, right? What's the first thing you do when you encounter bad guys in Kalifornia? Call 9-1-1, except this man is one of the three people in the state that doesn't have a cell phone, so he pulled his lawfully concealed handgun and sent a ringing message to the free loaders. Three shots is all it took to the get the attention of the bad guys, the neighbor (who was sleeping) and the police. When the police arrived, they found the homeowner holding the three at gunpoint. Contrary to popular myth, the police did not confuse the armed guy with the bad guys and they didn't shoot him.

May 31, 2013:
A 17-year-old Lansing boy, not yet old enough to start getting government freebies, decided he couldn't wait for free stuff any longer and decided to cut out the middle man and go directly to the source of the free stuff. He approached a 28-year-old man, pulled his weapon, and demanded his share of the man's stuff. Being a generous sort of fella, the robbery victim decided to share his bullets with the young punk. He pulled his concealed handgun and gave the youngun a lead injection to his ass. The would-be robber was transported to a local hospital with embarrassing, but non life-threatening injuries. The wannabe's weapon of choice was a stun gun.

June 2, 2013:
A Fort Wayne man was standing outside of his home when he was approached by 18-year-old Jaquese N. Dandridge and another man, who though it might be a good idea to commit an armed robbery. At least one of the two would-be robbers pulled a gun, and so did the homeowner. Shots were exchanged and the homeowner took a bullet to the foot. He was treated and released from the hospital. Danridge received multiple gunshot wounds. The coroner ruled the cause of death as fatal stupidity with a touch of dumbass. The accomplice ran away on foot. Way to stick in there with your pal.
UPDATE: The accomplice, a 16-year-old, was apprehended.

June 2, 2013:
Enrique Herrera, of Texas City, TX, arrived home after work just before 3am to find that he had been followed by Dumb and Dumber. 26-year-old Lekenvrick Deon Nelson, of La Marque and 24-year-old Jermaine White approached the the 60-year-old and attempted to relieve Herrera of his belongings. Herrera pulled his own gun and a gun fight ensued, Herrera was struck in the thigh and the boneheads ran away. Nelson made it as far as across the street before he collapsed and White was picked up by police a few blocks down the road. I'm sure Nelson's final thoughts were "Hey jackwagon, it's Texas, is not safe for violent offenders.

June 4, 2013:
Because guns are so easy to get, a man developed a plan to rob a South Seattle business, however, the part about getting a gun wasn't in the picture. Instead, he used a pointy metal rod. Upon arriving at the business, he looked through the window and then pulled a bandanna over his face. What he was trying to see through the window is unknown, because there were two people sitting in the lobby, the owner and his girlfriend. When the armed hoodlum walked into the business, he demanded money, instead of complying with the demands, the owner pulled a gun and demanded the thug get on the ground. The owner then handcuffed the stick wielding half-wit and waited for police to show up to write their report.

June 4, 2013:
Arturo Taveras, a Lawrence, MA liquor store owner was beaten, pistol whipped, tied up and held hostage for hours when a SWAT team was called in to respond to his last armed robbery. That was two years ago, Tuesday, he wasn't having any of that mess. A masked man walked into his store with a gun in hand, pointed it at Taveras and said "Only, I want the money". Apparently he wasn't lying, he didn't want any part of that pistol that Taveras pulled out to show him. Police are still searching for the suspect. I suggest you look at dry-cleaners that specialize in cleaning soiled shorts.

June 7, 2013:
An unnamed victim ran an ad on Craigslist trying to sell a ring. The unnamed suspect thought the price of the ring was negotiable. They met outside of Tucker, GA, Target store to make the transaction. In an attempt to negotiate the price down to zero, the suspect grabbed the ring and started running. This turned out to be a poor negotiating technique. The victim pulled his handgun and gave chase. After firing a warning shot, the victim caught up to the suspect and made a citizen's arrest. Warning shots, bad idea.

June 7, 2013:
Deputies have arrested three men and are on the lookout for two more in what is being called a "slaying". Ledell Maxwell made a deal with Bernard Solomon to sell him some "lean", cough medicine containing cocaine. Maxwell and a friend drove from Baton Rouge to Geismar while Solomon drove from Donaldsonville with four other men to make the drug deal. Solomon, who was facing trial for a 2011 murder charge, pulled a gun and attempted to rob Maxwell. Maxwell pulled his own gun to defend himself and shot Solomon several times. All of the parties then fled, except Solomon, who was left lying in the street, making a bloody mess. Solomon was later transported to the hospital where he died. Maxwell was arrested after turning himself in and was charged with first-degree murder. Two of the men riding with Solomon were arrested and charged with first-degree murder and warrants have been issued for the other two men who rode with Solomon. This is what happens when you play stoopid games, if you win, you get stoopid prizes, if you lose, you get deep sixed.

June 6, 2013:
A St. Thomas man gave a ride to two other men he saw on the road about 1am. The front seat passenger told the driver that he needed to relieve himself. What he intended to do was relieve the driver of his car. When the driver pulled over, the passenger attempted to take the keys. A struggle ensued and the passenger started beating the driver. The backseat passenger started yelling "What the Hell, dood?", or something like that. Fearing for his life, the driver pulled out his licensed handgun and shot the ungrateful hitchhiker. No arrests have been made but the police did confiscate the driver's handgun.

June 6, 2013:
Three ninjas gone rouge surrounded a car at a convenience store. Luckily, the driver, David Ferguson, was inside the store, not so luckily the driver's cousin, Eric Moschella. was in the passenger seat of the car. The ninjas, forgetting their super secret hand to hand combat, opened fire on the car. It wasn't until Moschella started screaming for help did Ferguson come to his aid. Ferguson exited the store, pulled his concealed handgun and returned fire. Out of five rounds that he fired, it's not believed that any hit his intended targets, remember though, they were ninjas. In a flash, the ninjas were gone, but not before the intended targets go a description. A police officer spotted three men matching the description walking down the road. When he attempted to make contact with them, they disappeared behind tall grass. In the gun battle, Ferguson was wounded in the arm and Moschella was wounded in the leg.

June 13, 2013:
An unnamed dood entered a Tamey Village Square (Ft. Worth) game room and dropped a couple of bucks in one of the machines. Apparently not happy with the results of his gaming, he pulled a gun and asked for a refund. Not only did he want his money back, but all the money that was spent that evening. He got his Bag O' Cash and turned to flee (you didn't expect him to continue playing, did ya?). Flee he did not, the security bars on the doors were shut, and locked. Not liking being behind bars so early in his getaway attempt, he demanded that the cage be unlocked. The clerk gave him the keys to getaway, but the bumbling bonehead fumbled with the keys. Another employee came out of the back and pulled a Biden, blasting away at the bad guy with a shotgun, kneecapping him and grazing his head. Buffoonaruni was taken to a hospital where his condition is unknown.

June 10, 2013:
Steven Anderson was minding his own business, Total Lawn Care, out of Tulsa, OK, when a pair of thugs tried to make off with his law caring equipment. Anderson was taking a break, chatting it up with the local mail carrier when the thugs drove past, not once, but twice. The mailman and Anderson gave chase, well, actually followed the suspects to get a good description for the police report. That's when the would-be lawn mowers found themselves blocked in. Not being happy about to go to the pokey, the bad folks made an attempt to escape by ramming the mail truck and attempting to run over Anderson. Anderson pulled his concealed handgun and fired two shots, disabling the vehicle. The suspects fled on foot and were described as a younger, maybe pregnant female and an the dude was described as 6 foot tall and about 300 pounds. 

June 13: 2013: Must see video
Two chirens is chillin in the Libery Gas Station in Houston County, when one of the chirens runs past a glass door. A milisecond later, the door is shot out, narrowly missing the two girls. One thug enters the store and is confronted with gun fire by the owner. Thug pulls a possum and plays dead while the other goon pokes his hand through the door and provides suppressive fire for the possum playing pond scum to escape. In what appears to be a reenactment of a three stooges move, the break dancing dummy finally makes it back out of the door. Police are on the lookout.

June 11, 2013:
An uptown New Orleans man was in his car when an unknown man entered the car and started shooting. Apparently, only the bad guys (and cops, but I repeat myself) have guns in New Orleans. The victim, being without a gun of his own, took the shooter's gun, shooed him away, then drove himself to the hospital.

June 10, 2013:
A Little Rock man, no, not a small musician, a fella from Arkansas, met a Craigslist seller looking to buy some rims. Not having just fallen from a turnip truck, the man refused to give up the money before he inspected the goods. The seller opened storage building and to the surprise of the buyer, there sat four, brand new, invisible rims. The buyer wasn't having any of that and he and his friend started to leave when the seller turned gunman opened fire. The buyer returned fire with his concealed handgun. "J-Ball", the seller of the magic rims fled the scene in a black Dodge Charger.

June 10, 2013:
A Hale Center, Tx man attempted to burglarize a business. Hey Dude, You're In Texas, You'll Get Shot! Yep, shot he got, took a Biden in the back when it turns out the business owner got tired of being burglarized and police not doing their job at catching the burglars, so he stayed at his business to protect it. Hey, somebody's got to do it. After taking a shotgun blast to the back side, the man fled on foot and knocked on a neighbor's door requesting help. The neighbor offered to call 911 and the suspect fled again (no, that doesn't make you look suspicious). The suspect was later seen walking down the road and apparently trying to hide from approaching motor vehicle traffic (no, that doesn't make you look suspicious). Later, the suspect was found in the front lawn of another residence after beating on the door and requesting assistance. The suspect has not been charged yet.

June 6, 2013:
A Montgomery County, PA, man saw someone sitting in his neighbors car. Like any good citizen and neighbor, he approached the man in the car and the convo goes something like this.
Good citizen "Yo, dude, what up?"
Bad citizen "Nuttin', man, just leaving some dough for my boy, that's all."
Good citizen "What's your boy's name, my man?"
Bad citizen "Joe?"
Good citizen "Wrong answer". The good neighbor pulls his handgun and places the man under citizens' arrest, except, PA does not allow its citizens to make arrests. The po-po sez “We would never advise anybody to do that…" Of course you wouldn't. The bad citizen wasn't completely lying, he was just at the wrong address. His boy lived a block over, and the money he was leaving was for a bag of weed. Bad citizen got a summons and his boy got arrested after a search of his vehicle turned up drugs, but yeah, good citizens shouldn't get involved.

Earlier DGU series can be found here

June DGU part I count:
Defensive gun uses outside the home: 17
Bad guys taking a dirt nap: 3
Bad guys wounded: 4
Arrests: 12
Good guys shot: 3
Dollars and lives saved: Countless

Other sites that track armed self defense and may have provided a link or two are Rationality Rebooted, Guns Save Lives and

Bill Baldwin can be found @WildBillBaldwin on Twitter.

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